Thursday, May 31, 2007

Are you there, Fashion God? It's me, Venna...

It's been a while since we last communicated. How are you, Fashion God? Me? I've never been prettier. For today I am dressed to the nines paying a tribute to my idol, Jennifer Lopez Noa Judd Almost-Affleck Anthony. Don't I look like a dead ringer for Jenny on MTV VMA in this green ensemble? Some people sneezed, "TIMUN!!" or "ESMERALDA!!" when I passed by them, but I know they did it because they're ignorant. Obviously they don't know that Vogue has declared avocado-green as the color du jour. Oh my dear fashion god, what does du jour mean?

Do you like my Fendi bag, Fashion God? It's a genuine Fendi. I stopped buying fake designer bags because I don't want you to get angry with me again. Like that time I toted a knock-off Louis Vuitton Monogram Papillon bag to Alfamart Bintaro to buy Ajinomoto and you unleashed your fury at me when you saw it by making my long awaited Salsa-Pop debut album entitled "Venna... The Other Side Of Me" bomb. I felt so scared and humiliated. I don't want you to hate me again, Fashion God. I had to starve myself and my family for 11 weeks to get this Fendi bag, but it was so worth it. I got the bag and dropped 6 kilos. Yaay! Look at my body. Isn't it delicious? Yeah, I know it is. Who cares that my kids are going to suffer from malnutrition?! They're too fat anyway. What's important is I look fierce! FIERCE!

Oh, and how about these lovely hotpants, Fashion God? I knew there's a reason why they call it 'hot' pants, because anyone who wears them will look hot, just like me here. Don't they compliment my bodacious body perfectly? I decorated my bare middle section with a precious trinket. It's giving me nasty and painful marks, but beauty has a price, right? I know women go green with envy everytime they look at me, and not because of the fact that I am dressed in a shade of cabbage, but because I look hot! H-O-T HOT!

I got this wig at Rimo, Bintaro Plaza. It's called "Keriting Basah Malvin Shayna", a part of Scarlet's "Artis Bomseks Indonesia 90an" collection. And for maximum effect, I'm combining it with Dame Edna's gardening hat I got on E-bay. What do you think, Fashion God? Genius, right?

People always say I'm weird or I dress like a lunatic. But I know that's the risk I must take. Ever since I heard voices in my head saying, "You're fabulous, Venna. Help them..." or, "Venna, you're the savior of style", I know that it's your voice, telling me to start a crusade against fashion ignorance. As an acclaimed multitalented celebrity and former Putri Indonesia, I will use my power to lead the way and spread the message of fabulousness. I will do my best to raise fashion awareness amongst my fellow Indonesian. It's a long and arduous road, but I believe I can do it. And someday, I hope to be remembered as The Mother Teresa of Fashion.

Anyway, I gotta go now, Fashion God. It's time to hit the buffet. I haven't eaten anything in 2 days. That's the main reason I go to this party: to eat. Oh sorry, I mean to raise fashion awareness amongst my fellow Indonesian, yes. And to eat. With all the time I spent dressing and accesorizing, who has time to cook, anyway? Damn, that Kambing Guling looks delicious. I hope it'll fit into my bag.

Posted by Neng Sarah


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