Dear mah luvlee fanz,

Whaddup niggaz...!!! How's my peeps feelin'? Hope u guyz r alrite, aight.

I'm writin' dis letter as a sign of appreciation for ur support and devotion to me all dis time. I know all dem other celebs keep sayin' that they luv their fanz too. But I really mean it. I really do care about u, mah luvlee fanz, from the bottom of my broken heart. I was born to make u happy, and u guyz r born to make me rich. Hahaha... Nah, I'm juss kiddin, y'all. I don't give a crap about the money. I'm doin' it all becuz I luv ya. Everythin' means nuthin', if I ain't got youuuu... Yeaaahhh... No no, I'm juss kiddin' again. Please don't take away my mansion in Pantai Indah Kapuk and my big fat bank account :P

To all them haterz who been dissin' 'n doggin' me... Juss go to hell, mutherfucka! Ur just jealous of me. U ain't nuthin' but a bunch of shiet to me. U can try 2 bring me down, but u can't take that away from me. I know I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again, on my own, 'n I know that I'm strong enough to mend...

And whoever sed I imitate X-Tina or Brit-Brit is a damn fool. Cuz I ain't copyin' nobody, y'all. Na'aw, I got my own stuff. I'm tha real deal. R to tha E to tha E-L. I'm original like a bucket of KFC. I'm soooo friggin' original dat my middle name IS Original. Uhuh, dat's right, my full name iz Agnes Original Monica Muljoto. Tru dat! Juss check my birth certificate, bitchez! Oh no no, I didn't say dat to u, mah luvlee fanz. I luv u. I was sayin' dat for all the haterz and the playaz who been dissin' 'n doggin' me 'n tryinna bring me down. U feelin' me, rite?

Y'know, dat's why I'm wearin' this friggin' yellow plastic chainz as a necklace. To prove to all y'all dat I'm so fuckin' original. I mean, puh-leez, it's not like I can't afford a real bling. Helloooo...?! I got 2 Jaguarz at home geto lowh!!



Anywayz, Imma set a new fashion trend, y'all. The "Plastic Chainz Bling" trend. Imma wear 'em as a necklace, as a belt, as... well, whatever, y'know. And I kno dat u, mah luvlee fanz, will be lovin' it and wearin' 'em too to show ur luv 'n devotion to me. Just mark my words: Plastic Bling Is The New Bling. Yep yep, juss like my boy J.T. sed, "I'm bringin' trashy back!". No wait, or was that sexy? Hummm... I can't remember. I waz too B-Z memorizin' my linez for "Kawin Muda", which airs evry Tuesdays 8pm on RCTI OK. Check it out, y'all!

Anywayz, I feel dat originality is soooo damn important. Especially since I have a plan to "go international". But don't get me twisted, y'all. By "go international", I don't mean like friggin' Kris "I'm Famous In Malaysia & I Did A Show In Japan" Dayanti. I wanna be J-Lo famous! Y'know, like "I was on Oprah last night 'n Paris got my sloppy-seconds" kinda fame. U know what I'm sayin', rite?

Anywayz, I know I can do it. I got the rite stuff. I got the talent and the moves. And my English is excellent, becuz FYI: English is my second language. But I also need ur luv 'n support, mah luvlee fanz. So dat my international career won't end up like Coco "My Career Sank Faster Than The Titanic" Lee. Or worse, like that Tata "Sexy Naughty Bitchy Shitty Skanky Nasty Itchy-Stratchy You-Got-My-Temperature-Rising-Like-Hitachi" Young.

Anywayz, I gotta bounce now. Me & my crew r goin' out to ride around in my hood. And by hood, I mean Muara Angke, where I live now. Take good care, y'all. And don't forget to check out my new album, "Whaddup A'? It's All Good: The Remixes" droppin' February 10, 2006. And remember, I luv u, mah luvlee fanz.



Luv 'n Kissez,

A to tha G to tha N-E-Z to tha M to tha O to tha N-A-C-O...
No wait! I screwed up. Lemme start again...

A to tha G to tha N-E-Z to tha O to tha M to...
What the... That ain't right, y'all...

It's A to tha G to tha U-S to tha...
FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK...!!!!^@*&$!@#*&!!!