When I spotted Venna Melinda at a mall in Jakarta a while ago, I was shocked and a bit dissapointed to see her looking like she just got out of bed.
WH-WHAATTTT???!!!! Venna Melinda out in public with barely there makeup and tousled (and suspiciously) unwashed hair?? What's the hell is going on??? Is this the same J-Lo-worshipper/salsarobics-instructor Venna Melinda whose sole purpose in life is to "dazzle" the public with her "daring" fashion sense??? OH NO...!!! Is it the end of the world as we know it???
But after I studied her entire appearance more carefully, I breathed a sigh of relief. That was the same V-Mel I know and hate, the recipient of Lifetime Achievement Worst Dressed Award. She may looked a little off, but I wasn't fooled. She still stayed true to her patented "Venna Melinda's Fashion Policy: How To Dress Like Moi
", which 2 main elements are:
1. The "Theme".
For her outing that afternoon to the mall with her family, she chose "Funky Bride" as her guideline. Wearing a short-sleeved see-thru doily-inspired top, a bandeau underneath, formal shorts, and a pair of slingbacks, all in white....naturally.
2. The Unexpected "Twist".
A striped elastic belt completed her already ridiculous ensemble for a touch surprise, or as we mere mortals call it, "SUMPEH DEH KAGAK MATCHING!"
Anyway, if years of watching Pamela Anderson's "VIP" has taught me anything, it's how to follow your object undetected. So I secretly trailed Venna around the mall, and here's what happened next...
The Game Arcade.
Her son, Ferrel Bramasta, is waiting for his turn on Dance Dance Revolution, when all of a sudden Venna stepped up on the machine.
But mom...it's not your turn...
BACK OFF, YOU FAT BASTARD!!! YOU'RE BREAKING MY CONCENTRATION!!!!
Here son...Don't be frightened. Mommy is having her PMS. Now, let's just pretend like we don't know her and quietly go...
Anonymous Man 1:Oh, ini toh yang katanya Ratu Salsa.
Anonymous Woman 1:Kasihan ya keluarganya...Mereka pasti tertekan...
Anonymous Woman 2:Itu sih masih mending. Kebayang dong kalo jadi pembantunya dia... Hihihihi...
Ladida-dida... I'm a little butterfly...
5, 6, 7, 8...